U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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