so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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