you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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