Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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