you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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