just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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