bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
