Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Im part way to drunk.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
