Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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