Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
