i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
