nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
