Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
