I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
