Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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