Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I love you. Go after that dick
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
