so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
