Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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