If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
