The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
NoShamevember. You game?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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