maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
