guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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