What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
