the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
