LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
