I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
