Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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