So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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