i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
