What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
