i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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