next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
