why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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