It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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