So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
