Too much gin, very little bucket
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
