so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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