Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
