Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Randomize
