fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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