Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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