Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
sarcasm needs its own font
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
