Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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