Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
