Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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