my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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