I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
