I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
