Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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