i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
